yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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