we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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