we're blogging at a bar
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
