Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Randomize
