mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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