I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
