Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
we're so committed to being not committed
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
