it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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