she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
