so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
