I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
