Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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