I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He? As in you personified your dick?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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