Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
