hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
