Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
