Screwed.edu
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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