i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
