Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
