Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
we made out on top of his cat.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
