So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
