I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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