we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
