you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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