How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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