I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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