I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
