A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If that was your dad, he is hot
I want to have your abortion
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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