Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
