Pants 0. Shit 1.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
