I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
