You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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