You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just forgot I was standing up.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
