Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
