I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
