Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
