What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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