my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
