thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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