I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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