I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
