I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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