thus making me awesome and them whores
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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