You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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