woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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