So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
