shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
