i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
