So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
