i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
