Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
