I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
