If i come over, it means nothing
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
