I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
They are going to name an STD after you.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
