when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
